Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
