i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
