Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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