And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
