If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
