i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
