even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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