My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My vagina is officially offended.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
