I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
