how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
