like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
