I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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