My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the liver wants what the liver wants
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
