I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
