I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
