im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
