i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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