Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
