whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
