i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
