Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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