That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
