No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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