Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
