yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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