They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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