she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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