Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
