Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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