My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
