oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
