Do vagina's smell?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
