your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
