she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's always time for handjobs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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