I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Randomize
