i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
