That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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