I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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