The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
