i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
