Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
