I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
