I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
