maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
