i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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