Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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