Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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