I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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