He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize