We're facebook friends in real life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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